Single Mother of 6 Seeks Help in China

Today was paperwork day.  We started at 8:45 am and returned at 4:15pm.  No kidding.  We did the adoption registration, notarization, and passport application.  There were typos and errors and shattered glass doors abound.  It was quite a day.  All of this and my poor husband was doubled over in pain.  He spent most of the day laying in the back of the bus.  It started last night and didn’t improve all day.  He tried to eat ½ a banana tonight and it took a turn for the worse.  Yes he is on medication, but it couldn’t possibly work fast enough.

Anaia had a complete meltdown.  Imagine a full-blown kicking, whining, lashing out irrationally temper tantrum.  Thankfully, it was on the bus outside the notary.  In the end, I believe it was a very good thing.  She has been handling all of this so well.  She is so out of sorts and has had way too much thrown at her.  She really doesn’t know which end is up.  She is trying to handle everything with the only tools she has- which are quite primitive.  We can tell that survival depended on deflection, blaming the other guy for everything, and lying to look good.  It doesn’t work with her new sisters- and she is not used to this.   She was determined to get one of them in trouble today and completely lost it when it didn’t work.  The whole episode was exhausting, but there was so much positive going on under the surface.  First, I held my ground and didn’t waiver no matter how loud or how long she carried on.  (She later told our friend Simon that the teachers at her school annoyed her because what they said had no meaning- they always went back on their words.)  Today she learned if I say it, I mean it.  Second, honesty is very important to our family and I won’t tolerate lying. Third, I will not leave her when she is out of sorts.  I sat her next to me no matter how she protested, and held her close and kissed the top of her head when she was out of control.  She calmed down when I held her and later asked if she could just stay by me the rest of the day instead of sitting with the other kids.  (During the tantrum she was complaining wanting to up and sit with the others again.)  She also told me later that she would now not lie or throw a fit… That’s a pretty tall order for a girl in her situation.   Mia is a little shocked be her behavior, having never seen her this way, but thankfully it is not scaring her. J  The result was that at the next stop she was calm and collected.  She stayed by me—actually, she was told to go with her teacher from the CWI to stand in line at a window.  She obediently took off with him but quickly doubled back for me with a look of concern on her face.  I held out my arm for her and she grabbed it and walked up with me instead.  When we saw him on Thursday she spent time talking with him and even went looking for him a couple of times.  Today, she was quite disinterested.  What she was interested in was all of the paperwork.  She kept asking if the papers said she was now our daughter.  She liked the adoption certificate very much.  She liked that it had all 3 of our names on it together and that her name was now in English with our last name attached to it.  She was disappointed that she didn’t have to sign anything today.  She did manage to stick her finger in the red sticky ink and rub it all over her forehead first thing this morning.  She added a sticker later.  They REALLY loved that down at the passport office…many of you know how easy going they are about those passport photos!

Selah also chose today to run out of behavioral juices.  It wasn’t as bad as days gone past, but she had quite a time trying to make it through 8 hours of government buildings.  Thankfully, the 2 of them staggered their meltdowns as one was winding down- the other was gearing up.  The other 4 year-old girl here is helping immensely.  She is a great distraction and I believe the main reason Selah is able to hold it together.

Sophia is Sophia.  Developing hypotheses on different experiments she is performing with a piece of purple ribbon, analyzing the situations playing out minute by minute- including a synopsis on why certain places we go have western toilets and others do not, and sitting with her nose in a puzzle book while the world comes down around her.  A total trooper, she is holding it all together in typical Sophia fashion.

Nina and Lexie are totally taken with 2 year old baby Kate, Nina so much so that she is pushing for us to return to adopt another child already.  I just put my hands over my ears and start humming loudly every time she mentions it!!! J

Michela is totally enjoying her friendship with Mia.  She is really going to miss her when we return to the USA and we are separated by a few states.  She was a huge help today as well, playing second chair parent.

Highlights:

We were given a beautiful gift today.  A photocopy of the birthday note left with Anaia on August 21^st.  It told us that she was born at 1:30 in the afternoon on July 29^th.  It is handwritten and is a treasured possession.  I haven’t had the girls or Theresa look at it to read it yet.  I also gave the director some photos of some of WenLiang’s friend’s future adoptive families.  He promised to give them to the children who will hopefully not have to wait much longer to come home.  Anaia was so happy to learn that we knew these families.

Also on the up side today, Simon returned from his business trip and came to the hotel.  He went out with Lexie and Nina to get dinner and bring it back for us as Dave was down for the count.  He spent the evening with us- bless his heart, the room was pretty wild.  He is quite a trooper, he stuck it out until 8:30 in a room with 6 stir crazy girls and one worn-out mom.

Another upper was that Anaia asked me to fix her hair.  She has been quite the do-it-yourself girl so far, so this was a nice treat.  I gave her 2 French braids which she was very pleased with and asked me to do her hair tomorrow as well.  (She told me I did a good job!)

The highest point of the day came at bed-time.  I tuck her in last so she can see me with the other girls.  She was a bit giggly and wiggly with anticipation.  She no longer squirms with my kisses, but welcomes them.  Up until tonight, I had just kissed her cheek or forehead.  When I leaned over to kiss her this evening, she puckered up and kissed me first!!!  I got 3 kisses and an “I love you!”  I responded by kissing her all over her face like I do Selah and said, “I love you too WenLiang!”  She then repeated, “I love you too, I love you too mama!” 

This is one extraordinary kid.  She is a stinker, keeping us on our toes; a sweetheart helping the other families with their babies; a whirlwind of motion and energy that makes your head spin; a non-stop talker; and a girl who has completely stolen my heart.

It never ceases to amaze me after all these kids have been through, how open their hearts can be.  This sweet, sweet girl wants to be a part of this family so much.  She wants to understand the dynamics and weave herself into the fabric.  She is overloaded, unsure, terrified, and desperately trying to do what she thinks she should.  She has much to learn and it won’t be easy- but it is going to be another magnificent journey to be a part of.  I know that God has this amazing plan for her- I am excited to be a part of it.  I can’t wait to see her personality unfold and develop and change into the person He wants her to become.  There is such a light in her eyes- it is shining brightly.  She is so full of hope and courage.  I have yet another hero in my life.  How blessed I am in my everyday surroundings.  How very blessed indeed.

Please pray for continued healing in Anaia’s mouth and for my poor, poor husband.  We made a bed out of 2 chairs for Selah tonight- thankfully she is so small!!!  He and I both could use your prayers as we sleep.  I get to go to the zoo tomorrow with or without him and I would rather not be the main attraction!